Illusion, Dellusion
by star.everlasting
Summary: I'm delluional. Oh, yes, I am. My name is Bella Swan.


**Illusion, Delusion**

**by Narnian magic**

Oh, I know how much you guys hate AN's, so I'll keep this one short. So basically, this is from Bella's POV (obviously), in a particular part of New Moon. Enjoy. D

Disclaimer: Do not own anything but storyline. If I did, Edward Cullen would be mine. XD

* * *

I sat there, staring out the window. I willed my body to move, to do anything, but my heart and mind left it at peace. However, that was a total opposite from what itself was doing.

Rain started to pour down from the heavens, and numbly, without even thinking about it, I walked out of my room. Charlie's voice sounded from where I vaguely remember the living room was, and I ignored him. I had no idea what I was doing. I felt wind blow against my whole being as I stepped outside, off the porch, and into the open. The heavenly waters rained down on me, drenching me, soaking me. A cold gush of wind surrounded me from behind, and my mind snapped to attention. His arms were around me. My back was against his cold chest. Breathing in fresh air, I leaned back, completely, only to fall on wet ground. My soul once again deserted me, sending my mind and heart back into the darkness. Staring up to the sky, I closed my eyes, hoping that it would be the last time I ever had to.

* * *

To my disappointment, I opened my eyes to somewhere familiar- but I had no memory of this place. I looked around, to realize about five minutes later that I was in my room. My alarm clock rang, and I stared at it. What was it that I was supposed to wake up for today? What day was it? My gaze flickered over to a pile of books. Oh. School. Joy.

* * *

Where I was going I didn't know. The only thing I knew was that my muscles were moving in their own way, my mind not controlling anything. I was stopped in front of a building, with many people walking, talking, laughing as they went inside. "Bella!" a girl approached me. A name somewhere in my head surfaced. "Jessica." I didn't even recognize my own voice, let alone realized I had spoken. "Oh, Bella, I had the most _wonderful _time with Mike last night, he asked me to dinner, you know…" Who was Mike? Why did his name sound so familiar? I was pretty sure I had never heard of it before…"Bella? Earth to Bella!" my head snapped up, and my eyes wandered around- we were in a classroom. But which class was it? What time was it? What was I even doing?

My legs carried me from one class to another, and by the time it was Bio, I could feel my mental exhaustion. But then, as I looked right next to me, I saw _him_, pretending to take notes, looked at me, and smiled at me. My mind was freed from it's prison as he grinned in my direction. Smiling back, I reached out for his hand, to find out that mine went through. My smile quickly faded, and my hand shirked back, my soul once again bound into the deep darkness. Lunch bell rang, and as I got my food and went over to the Cullen table like I usually did, said a hi to Alice, Emmett, Jasper and Rosalie, giving _him _a kiss on the cheek. I started talking to them, started laughing, but they were unusually quiet today.

I got home soon enough, my head in a mess. Trudging upstairs, I tripped over quite a few of them, slowly picking myself up every time. Slamming my books down on my table and my backpack on the ground, I made my way downstairs again, this time tripping on the last stair and landed on my stomach on the ground. I made no move to get up. I simply laid there, as if it was the most comfortable spot in the world. I think I stayed like that until Charlie came home, and picked me up off the floor. Dinner that night was sandwiches, which Charlie threw together, but I couldn't taste anything. I barely even ate anything. I remember saying, "I'm done, dad." And then walking up to my room.

I very faintly his protesting voice in the background, but I ignored it, and closed my bedroom door upon arrival. Collapsing on my bed, I remembered to open my window and made space next to me as I curled up, and fell asleep, knowing that he was going to be here when I opened my eyes.

* * *

I wasn't at school the next day, or so I was told. My forehead and my eyes burned, my stomach felt bloated, and I had never felt so tired in my life. I remember looking into the mirror, and noting the huge black circles underneath my eyes, the way my once-chocolate brown hair slumped down, framing my face in a horrid fashion. My pale skin was even paler, were that possible, and my chin was sharper then I remembered. There was something wrong with me, but I just didn't know what. Walking back, I fell asleep on the bed, hoping for however many times I lost count, to never have to open my eyes again.

Charlie wanted me to go to doctor, but I refused. That night I tried cooking dinner, and I burned my hand instead, leaving a huge, red gash on where I did on my arm. I couldn't feel the pain, couldn't feel the soothing effect the water should have had on my scalding skin. Charlie then let go of my hand, and I looked outside upon instinct. Slowly, I realized it was raining. Walking past a confused Charlie who tried pulling me back in, I jerked my arm from him and opened the door, lying on my back on our driveway, facing the heavens, closing my eyes. He wasn't coming back. He left me.

Edward Cullen simply doesn't love me.

* * *

NM: wee!! My first Twilight fic )


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